Trade in that car, send it off a cliff, set it on fire, do what it takes to get rid of it.
2. Dunkin' Donuts robber
He didn't want to tear a muscle. The money he stole wouldn't cover the hospital bills, and then what's the point?
3. I said what I said
Hand over the soup.
4. Important video
Cronch cronch cronch.
5. Grumpy dads
the purest love in the world is the one between grumpy dads and the pet they said they didn’t want— 𝙉𝙞𝙘𝙠-𝙁𝙞𝙡-𝘼 (@nicksonr_) March 3, 2019
Before long, that's his pet.
I would like to be Ratatouilled. where's the rat who's good at my job— crân-buri-ghân (@bromanconsul) March 5, 2019
A rat doing my job better than I can while I do nothing? Sign me up.
7. We have to turn back
MOM: Your father was abducted by aliens last night.— Consider John Frazzled (@FrazzleMyGimp) March 3, 2019
ME: [about to adjust thermostat] Oh no.
[meanwhile in ufo]
ALIEN: What do you mean we have to turn around?
DAD: Somethings wrong I can’t explain it.
Once you become a father, anything more than 68 degrees feels like hell.